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Artist: Eminem
Album:  Revival
Song:   Offended
Typed by: 

You claim if you get knocked by the cops you'll give 'em not even a statement
Walk in the arraignment, shoot the bailiff, karate kick the plaintiff
Gotti with the stainless, I'll just call it shotty/shoddy entertainment
If y'all was in the party gettin faded on molly, had the audience sedated
You wouldn't catch a body if it fainted, probably let it fall and hit the pavement
But you'd be the first lobbyin to claim it, bitch stop bein a lame
Your hobby isn't robbery and dismemberin body limbs, like you was Tommy Lynn Sells
and chainsawing them in the basement, hardly fits your job description, ain't nobody dippin
out the back the club like, "Oh my God, he's trippin!" Only time you get the blade is
probably with the dang lawn equipment, ain't it? Wouldn't take a bobby pin and wave it
... I need to stop bein debated
You're still copyin, xeroxing, I'm still coppin a feel like Bill Cosby
at will, poppin a pill, then spill Oxys in Jill's coffee
Then send her out to the hotel lobby a lil' wobbly and still groggy
This blonde fuck's reprehensible misconducts
Never sensible, kiss my butt, my set of principles is gone but
'til I get the President to respond my, pen and pencil is a missile launcher
And send it to Mitch McConnell, just as big of a bitch as Donald, shit's on bruh!
Let me sing this shit soprano while I do it pizzicato
Ivanka, stiff arm her, while I'm hittin on Melania
And this song's for all ya!

[Chorus: Eminem]
Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me
They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended)
And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt
But I'ma make you eat your words (I hope you offended)
You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up
Cause you're only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended)
Cause I swear when I get up, I'm never gonna let up
'til everybody eats my turds

These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me, like Justin Ross Harris at a nursery
Goin ham at candied yam on nanny-cam, I'm gettin handys with the zanny Xannys
in the Caddy armrest, I'm imagining objects, so I'm batting cobwebs from a daddy long-leg
In Hamtramck, got the panoramic camera, Xanax, a banana hammock 
and a Santa hat, I'm smellin like a damn mechanic, with a chick that looks like Janet Jackson
with a Spanish accent, twice your age and I'm, actin half it (haha)
... Grow up? Nah, not that I know of, y'all
Basement just got a frickin overhaul, got a stripper pole installed
Started rollin all through those Kolonopins like a bowling ball
Like an overdose on twice the ratio of Propofol and go through no withdrawal
While I get fellatio and give a facial to an interracial blow-up doll
of Rachel Dolezal, you're so appalled/a-Paul'd (Em)
So's my manager, bitch I am mature/amateur, fuck a pro career
Coast is clear, but nowhere to go from here
And nobody's close so don't compare, they ain't nowhere near, I'm way over here
My competition can't see me... cause I don't own a mirror!
"But Marshall, you are terrific, so smart and gifted"
I'm so narcissistic, when I fart I sniff it, do a fake dab to smell my armpits with it
Your anxiety's throwin gang signs, but I made strides with these rape lines
I'm cuttin back on women hate crimes, like Ray Rice when he FaceTimes
Bang bang bang bang time, dang knives are butcher than gay wives
You're gonna need sutures the same size as the blade I
push in to kaput ya when I, pull 'em like, sleigh rides
Gotta stab a, bitch at least eight times to make it on "Dateline"
I came to stake/steak my claim like a canine waitin in a buffet line
So Kellyanne Conway, I'm a really bad hombre, come play
Belly dance on me, I've been making wedding plans all day


8-year-old with the wordplay, girl, take this pole/poll like a survey
Today wasn't my birthday but I'm, caked up like a dessert tray
So we're in shape, cause you're in a slurrin state
I'm a ten, you're-an-eight/urinate, like what I do before, after and during RAAAA-
You wanna get into a pissin contest and, find out who's better?
And they made a fool out of what I pulled out him, R. Kelly with a full bladder
Non-high school grad, I'm not a scholar but I'm so cold when I'm droppin knowledge
My degrees is the same as I got in college (zero) but nobody's hotter
You owe me my respect, I owe you nada like a Lodi partner, blow me, told you I'm so dirty homie
You can throw me in some holy water with some floaties on and get the soap and try to get the Pope to hold me
while you hose me off, and nope I won't be washed, you hope to God I don't explode
I gotta blow this spot up though, I got a lotta mo', I won't put the sugar coating on it though
Cause sometimes you can feel like your energy's expired, rap's
got you drained, dead tired, zapped, you feel like a wet pile of crap
But look man, like the Feds buggin my phone (uh-huh) I get wire/why you're tapped
But you gotta get your fire back, catch fire, get upset and fire BACK
is what I tell myself, when times get bad
Cause sometimes I might get sad, well I take the same advice I had
And tell myself like I used to tell Hailie, when life's a drag
Told her to do like her dad - don't cry, get mad!
Cause little baby pouters/powders belong in diaper bags
I'm hype but by the time you see this side of me, I'm right in your ass (sodomy!)
'Fore the pen I stood up for the kid who had to put up with the bullies at his school (at his school)
You ain't have to have no money or go shoppin just to cop a fuckin attitude (attitude)
Now my dough's amountin to a mountain, it's rised too high to count it
Never asked to be rich, all I did was wish I had a dime for every time that I was doubted
But then I think about it and I'm enraged, cause I just figured out that if I was paid
for the time I spent to put the pen to the page, it'd be minimum wage
But it's embedded in my head, I never hunted for the bread and butter
What I wanted was to be the one that they was scared of but I'm
never gonna get the credit for the sweat and blood I
put up in the pen, and when I'm dead I wonder
will they put me on a pedestal or forget I was ever this incredible
I guess I better go harder than ever cause I'll never get
another motherfuckin opportunity again to offend
as many people with this I can simply, because I, can