Artist: Professor Elemental Album: The Indifference Engine Song: The Quest For The Golden Frog Typed by: ÇexyÇy [Intro] ..err basically it lunged at me and its claws paired and its teeth clubbed together so of course I shot it in the face Imagine my suprise when it turned out to be Princess Anne S-s-sorry, oh is the mic on? Okay hello Hello right-o Well thank you Lord Buxley and I'd like to welcome you to this lecture at the Gentleman's Club of The Empire Infront of you, you'll find your Brain-o-matic helmets It's a marvelous device which will conjure pictures of my exploits directly into your delicate heads If you'd like to attach the electrodes And then simply insert the spinal syringe Ah! There we go, oh let's begin (echos: let's begin, let's begin, let's begin, let's begin) Attention, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen! Professor Elemental recommends My lecture, meant for special friends Attend my adventure to the very end My quest was risky, my role was odd I set out for the mystic golden frog! It was the stuff of legends Said to give the bearer a glimpse of Heaven Plus, it was quite shiny, so in preparation First I drew a map from my imagination Packed my battenberg and my absinthe, marmoquin Blunderbuss, and my collapsing magic staff! Plus a tea-pot and some proper grey Stoke the fire, set the bellows Come on fellows, chocks away! AH-HAH! To find the frog... HEY YOU! Pack your bags, it's time to trip, With the good Professor so ride the ship, Exotic dancer third, then scientist, Explorer first, so I enlist...YOU! Pack your bags, it's time to trip With the good Professor so ride the ship Exotic dancer third, then scientist But explorer first... Week one: Crash-landed near Tanzania Surrounded by savages in rabbit ears Before you could say "My good man, how queer" I held aloft my magic spear! "In the name of the Empire, bring me the frog!" Amazingly, they made me their king or their god I didn't think this was odd until we got to the volcano Hotter than my stage show, time for me to lay low! Week two: I used my string to tie bamboo poles A useful thing, I roll in to surf the rising tide I feel alive like a Viking, time to ride to the ship In a storm, how exciting! Let's take to the skies with the power of lightning! Launch the nets Geoffery! It's going to be a rough ride... HEY YOU! Pack your bags, it's time to trip With the good Professor so ride the ship Exotic dancer third, then scientist Explorer first, so I enlist...YOU! Week three: No closer to finding the frog But I had an absinthe party With the Munchkins of Oz! No trouble to come in to land For opium, tea and mushrooms in Wonderland (More tea?) And this is something grand From London to Australia, my cunning plan Was completely and utterly unsuccessful So I left to go settle back at home with my kettle. (Ahhhh!) For the rest I need You'll never guess what was hiding under the settee! Yes! It's the frog! Oh, pardon me I forgot, I won it in a wager last week! [Outro] That is embarrasing isn't it? More of a bit of a waste of time really Geoffrey must have, tucked it under there, I suppose Well anyway thank you for coming Err I hope you consider my application for funding For next year's trip to find life on Mars I know the chances of anything coming to Earth are a million to one, well they say But err, I disagree really and err I think.... Oh, hello? Hello? Oh where's everyone gone?