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Artist: The Lonely Island f/ Michael Bolton
Album:  Turtleneck & Chain
Song:   Jack Sparrow
Typed by:

[Assistant] Guys, Michael Bolton is here
[Jorm] Oh great, send him in. {*door opens*} 
[Michael Bolton] Hey guys.
[Lonely Island] Hey, hi! Thanks for coming.
[Michael Bolton] Sorry I'm late. 
  I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Carribean marathon.
  Have you seen those things?
[L.I.] Ohh, yeah, those are, those are great
[Bolton] Well I checked out the track and loved it
   And I wrote you this big sexy hook I think you're gonna really dig
[L.I.] Oh wow, that's great! Awesome! Should we just lay it down?
[Bolton] Boys, let's get to it {*echoes*}

{*whispers*} Here we go
Ugh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (Yeaaaaah) {The night starts now}
Together on the track, the boys are back
{The night starts now}

[The Lonely Island] (Bolton)
The night starts now, baby roll with us
Chickens snappin at the neck when we rollin up (Rollin up!)
Blow though the doors, ain't no holdin up (Yeaaaah)
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck (C'mon!)
Ladies shifty-eyed when we walk into the set
Fuck the fellas lookin jealous, play the back and get wet (Yeaaah, yeaaah)
Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock
You either get cut, get stuffed, or get shot {*gun shot*}

[Chorus 1: Michael Bolton] (L.I.)
This is the tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow
Pirate so brave, on the seven seeeas (..What?)
A mystical quest, to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway, on the ocean's breeeze

[The Lonely Island] (Bolton)
Yeah, that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club
Buyin up the bar so the groupies show us love (Keira Knightley!)
Motherfuckin ice man, I'm the top gunner
Heater on blas, I'm the #1 stunna (Jack Sparrow)
Watch it girl, 'cause I ain't yo' Mr. Nice Guy 
More like the "Meet-ya-take-you-home-and-fuck-you-twice" guy (Yeah, yeah)
All dressed up with nowhere to run
And no I make you feel crazy with the- (Now back to the good part!)

[Chorus 2: Michael Bolton] (L.I.)
From the day he was born (Ugh!), he yearned for adventure (Nooo!)
Old Captain Jack (Yea..), giving them what for!
He's the pauper of the surf (Uh-huh..), the jester of Tortuga (Oh God..)
But in Davy Jones's locker, what lies in STOOOORE? 
(Yeah, we've seen the movie)

[The Lonely Island] (Bolton)
Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, c'mon
(Captain Jack) What? (Johnny Depp) No!
From the front to the back, say, "We count stacks," c'mon
(Davy Jones) Nope! (Giant squid) Wrong.
Michael Bolton, we're really gonna need you to focus up
(Roger that, let me try it with anohter film)

[Michael Bolton] (L.I.)
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (...Not better)
Though I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I give Jenny all my love (Focus, c'mon!)
Okay, then I'm a legal aide, Erin Brockovich is my name (No! Ohhh God!)
Then you can call me Scarface, snortin' mountains of cocaine (Close enough)
{*imitating Tony Montana*} You cockroaches wanna play rough?
OKAAAY, I'M RELOADED~!! {*gun shots*} AH-HA!!

[Chorus 3: Michael Bolton] (L.I.)
This is the tale, of Tony Montana
Cubano flame, with the Miami nuts (Take it home!)
Got a basehead wife, but her womb is polluted (Whoo!)
This whole town's a pussy, just waitin' to GET FUUUCKED!

[Outro: Bolton] (L.I.)
Just waiting to get FAH-UUUCKED!
(Ohhh-kay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)
You complete me! (Yeah, yeah okay...)