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Artist: Epic Rap Battles of History
Album:  Season 2
Song:   Adam vs Eve
Typed by: AZ Lyrics

Epic rap battles of history
Adam vs Eve

This battle's gonna end like every argument does
With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub
I made a map motherfucker and I'm reading it too
Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you
I know that you like to think you're so macho
But you smell like ballsacks and nachos
I work. While you and your boyfriend Steve
Drink and play sports in a Fantasy League
You're as sharp as a stick, that I rub on my lips
So go ahead take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss
Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list
If you'd stop fucking up I wouldn't have to get pissed

My life was fine 'till you had to come along and wreck it
Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?
You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want
"I'm hungry", "I'm fat", "I'm cold", "I'm hot"
You call it complex, but yo I'd call you a mess
You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed!
You got a lotion for this? Got a cream for that?
Got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back?
When things are good they're great, and it's like I'm dreamin'
Until your junk starts bleedin' and you turn to a demon
It ain't summer Eve, don't try to play me like a douche
You wanna bite on my fruit well you can swallow the truth!

Don't. even. bring up swallow
The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow
One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel
Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle
You want alone time? Have it! In fact
Suck your own dick, and shave your own back
That apple's the best thing I bit so far
Now I see how much of a dick you are

I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips?
I was just thinking, yo did I give up a rib for this?
Woman, I just don't know what your problem is
All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!

I'm sorry

... I'm sorry, too

Alright, nice!

Don't even think about it!

Okay, that's fine, we can eat

Who won? Who's next? You decide!
Epic (oh yeah) rap battles of history!