Artist: Devo Spice f/ Insane Ian
Album:  Gnome Sane?
Song:   Flight Check
Typed by: OHHLA Webmaster DJ Flash

[Intro]
Aeronautic Inversion 1327 you are cleared to land on runway 6
  Aeronautic Inversion 1327, that's a negative
  We're in the middle of a really good game of Scrabble at the moment
  and want to get it finished before we land
  Request permission to circle the airport for the next few hours?
Aeronautic Inversion 1327, permission granted
And remember Kazakhstan is worth 30 points

[Chorus One] {*D* Devo *I* Ian}
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} And it's just plane crazy and it makes me want to cry
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} There are safer and easier ways to get high

[Devo Spice]
I wish they'd freakin hurry up and make a teleportation
device so I don't have to fly when I go on vacation
That'd be nice, but nooo, quantum physics is haaard
So I get to keep being treated like a convict in a prison yard
As of today the TSA say you might
have to arrive three days early just so to catch your damn flight
And the parkin lot's a lot like parkin in an abyss
I think my house is actually closer than this
I make it to the gate on time but find a huge line
Because the plane seats 42, but they sold 89
tickets for it, so we were stuck for hours standing there
While the kid in line behind me wiped some chocolate in my hair
At least I hope that it was chocolate anyway
I finally found the ticket counter some time the next day
The girl spoke Swahili and hated men, and that was when
I realized I'd never see my luggage again
The first carry-on is free, I need my glasses to see
Well that counts as number two so that'll be an extra fee
I didn't have a choice so I paid, but I protested
and then headed to security so I could be molested
They put my dangerous pocket change in a can
Then I had an X-RAY, MRI, and CAT scan
When they examined all my fillings I screamed 'cause I had had it
Why don't you just give me a prostate exam while you're at it?~!

[Chorus Two] {*D* Devo *I* Ian}
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} And I think the guy sitting next to me is a spy
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} When you hear a loud bang you know something's gone awry

[Insane Ian]
I wish I had a better way to travel 'round the Earth
instead of dealing with planes that's more trouble than they're worth
I don't understand the plans of the airline industry
that has me flying to Orlando, by way of Milwaukee
That's just fine if it's from the Midwest to the shore
but it's not, I'm just travelin' from here in Baltimore
It's on the same coast, that's the most opposite direction
Why should I cross the country, to make my next connection?
And speaking of connections, here's a great idea
If the planes having trouble, fix it before I get here
Don't wait 'til the last second, and cancel my next flight
I leave for home on Saturday I'll get home next Friday night
That is, of course, considering I don't cross time zones
I'll be back before I've even had time to leave my home
It's like I never left, oh that'd be just fine
'cept I'll never get those hours back, waiting in the line
to check my bags and get my boarding pass, only just to be
told it's thirty minutes to my flight and they can't seat me
So I get on a flight, that's straight from here to there
They don't tell me it's on stand by but what do they care?
They've got my luggage and and my money, who cares if I arrive
on time to my destination, or if I get there alive?
I wait for 10 hours at the airport, getting moody
But I can buy a pack of gum without paying any duty

[Chorus Three] {*D* Devo *I* Ian}
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} I got a layover in Hanover that's longer than pi
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} My honeymoon's in June, my flight's delayed until July

[Interlude]
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking
I'd like to welcome you aboard Aeronautic Inversion Airlines
Our flight today will be 3 hours and 17 minutes
We're currently 4th in line for take off
so we should be in the air in about 5 hours or so
Once we're airborne I'd like to remind you
that you have the right to remain silent
Anything you say can and will be used against you
when we land in lovely Fort Lauderdale Florida
where currently the weather is a balmy 82 degrees
You do NOT have the right to an attorney
If we don't like you you will be shipped off to a secret prison
on the ass end of Kazakhstan, never to be heard from again
And I guarantee you THAT flight won't be as comfortable
although they do have the same drink specials
So sit back, relax, and try to enjoy your flight - or else

[Devo Spice]
Remember when flying didn't suck quite so bad?
Neither do I, and that's that's the part that's makin me mad
And you know as we go forward things'll only get worse
Unless GM invents a car that has a warp drive first

[Insane Ian]
Remember when we were all supposed to have jet packs?
There was nowhere for our luggage, so they all got the axe
The planes they build now can't fly themselves just yet
In a couple more years we'll have invented SkyNet

[Devo Spice]
A new coach will silence the most vocal complainer
Cryogenically frozen in a bomb proof container
And if you happen to arrive at your port of call alive
You'll have to pay an extra thawing fee of $19.95

[Isane Ian]
We have to turn off iPods, games and cell phones
As if I could crash the plane with a certain ring tone
But then the stewardess crossed a line she never should have crossed
She made the guy next to me turn his pacemaker off

[Devo Spice]
I'm sick of being harassed by an undertrained staff
I'm sick of two hour flights that take a day and a half
I'm sick of tripling my costs because of all these hidden fees
I'm sick of flights being delayed because some guy in line sneezed

[Insane Ian]
I'm sick of my luggage going to Hawaii all the time
I'm sick of my bags getting a better vacation than mine
But the thing I'm sick of most, and what really has me pissed
thanks to this song I'm on the No Fly List

[Chorus Four] {*D* Devo *I* Ian}
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} I get nervous when I hear the pilot yelling "Banzai!"
Flight check! {*D*} Check out what you have to do to FLY
Flight check! {*I*} Crammed into a bullet in the sky
Flight check! {*D*} Maybe if you're lucky you won't DIE
{*I*} Put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye

Flight check!